What To Do On Oahu
The intent of this “Passive Blog” is to give our readers a slightly different view of what to do and not to do on a vacation to Hawaii or for the newly arrived military family to make some sense of the initial reception. No single tourist destination in the world has so many resources dedicated to it than does Hawaii. And the guides you find at your hotel and on the streets that are “free” are (for the most part) propaganda rags that you’ll want to ignore. Use another resource like a guidebook you can buy at the bookstore. I won’t endorse a name per se’ but take a look at them all and find one that you can easily use as a reference.
Admin Note - I’ll try to do this in chronological order from flight in, to staying on Oahu, to visiting another Isle, to departing Oahu. If you are newly stationed here on a Permanent Change of Station (PCS), pick the morsels that apply. And know this – services differ and this blog is not a valid replacement for procedures and policies that differing services may have in place. Do your homework; don’t depend on me to do it for you. Things change and this blog (of sorts) might not keep pace. If you are just visiting then grab the morsels that apply just the same. Please recognize that the goal of this “Passive Blog” is strictly a one-person perspective gathered over 40 + years of travel experience and experience in Hawaii. Many will disagree with my views; in fact – some will be downright angry! Oh well… get over it… I am aiming this blog at the average military visitor or military resident that is new and somewhat unenlightened. If you want to drill down more specifically, picture an E5 with 2 kids and a wife which in my mind – is about average as far as a paintbrush of personnel in the US military... If you are higher ranking, adjust accordingly. Also know that there are no plugs for businesses on this blog and there is nothing exchanged for the mention of any establishment. And there is no ill will intended for any business not mentioned or those presented in a less than desirable fashion. And while I recognize that everyone has to make a buck to survive - I just want to make sure that our military visitors spend their buck in an informed fashion! That said, let’s start…
First – about making prior hotel reservations… If you are going to PCS to Oahu, don’t make a reservation at the Hale Koa and don’t make reservations anywhere else off post. Your sponsor is the best source for the latest and greatest and you will have to you’re your whole initial entry thru the Housing Office and thru Post Lodging Facilities (they get the first shot at your money). You also have to check in at the USO in the airport or your perspective base or post first anyhow and they will in turn issue out a Statement of Non-Availability if it applies. The higher ranking you are, the more of a vote you have on where you might get to spend your first week or two on island. You won’t find that in writing but is a blunt reality. And just know, there is a calculated bit of bait & switch when it comes the military “Crown Jewel” of lodging on Oahu in the form of the Hale Koa located in Waikiki on the South Shore. They fill the less appealing lodging establishments up first (like Schofield Inn) and then if availability isn’t available, then you might get into the Hale Koa. But as mentioned, “Rank Has it’s Privilege” (RHIP) meaning that SGT Jones and his wife + 2 kids aren’t going to get the Hale Koa if they can get the SGT to spend his Temporary Living Allowance on a lesser facility. They might get the lodging at Tripler Army Medical Center or some other place. LTC Johnson and his wife + 2 kids more or less can get what they want. Keep in mind too that if you are going to be stationed at Pearl Harbor, Schofield, or K-Bay, then it may be to your advantage to lodge there. It is super inconvenient to spend you first 10 days at the Hale Koa and have to deal with 2 hours of traffic coming and going while you in-process. And you aren’t really missing much if you don’t get the Hale Koa ladies and gentlemen. More on that later!
If you are visiting the island of Oahu on vacation – don’t stay in Waikiki if you can control where you stay. I can’t stress this enough. Trust me – stay somewhere else on the island and visit Waikiki one of the days you are on island. I’d recommend Haleiwa personally at a privately owned rental home on the beach. You can find them. Check the Internet. Don’t be lazy in your planning phase lest you be left with a hotel room overlooking traffic on one of the crowded streets of Honolulu. Think drunks up and down the road, the smell urine on the sidewalks, crowds of foreigners, and silly street vendors / entertainers all over trying to dupe you of your earnings while pickpockets work the crowd. Sounds like Key West or Fort Lauderdale during Spring Break doesn’t it. Keep your wits about you and keep you wallet in your front pocket on the streets.
Back to lodging… Plenty of people own multi-million dollar homes right on the beach (all over the island) and rent them out to visitors as most people with that kind of $$ don’t live here on Oahu since there aren’t really jobs to support that sort of income. They have to live the dream part time so let the rest of their time be yours living their dream at a bargain price! You could do a few days on the North Side, and then a few days on the East Side, and truly get something out of your visit.
OK, you landed at the airport in Honolulu (notice I’m backing up here chronologically speaking)... Get your baggage, and realize that the airport is really small so no real need to wait for the public transportation (called the “Wiki-Wiki” Shuttle) that is offered. Instead, just walk (if you can) and enjoy the smell of plumeria flowers from the gardens at the airport instead of diesel fumes from the Wiki-Wiki Shuttle while you and yours gather your wits and recover from that cramped airline seat. You likely need to stretch out anyhow and the Honolulu airport is small, convenient, and clean - and overall a welcome first glance at Hawaii. As I mentioned, the airport in Honolulu has beautiful gardens and is well maintained. It is a great way to transition to the island lifestyle that is seldom taken advantage of by tourists. Instead, they follow the leader like sheep and head for the shuttle. Hit the latrine before you get into baggage claim area by the way. The one in the baggage area will be full of people from your flight and you won’t get to use the potty. And if you do – it won’t be a pretty scene. Not the place for your 7-year-old daughter or son to sit or for you for that matter. It always seems that the baggage claim toilet is the least maintained restroom in the airport. Or maybe it is just overwhelmed and looks / smells nasty all the time.
By the way, you can walk to the rental car place and if you are a Soldier, Airman, Sailor, or Marine (even accompanied by family) that will be stationed here as opposed to on vacation, you must check in at the USO immediately on arrival – even before your rental car procurement. Don’t take a cab to the rental car place! They will play a game with you to dupe you of your money by driving around and dropping you off right across the street from baggage claim. OK so check in at the USO (if you are on orders) before you get your baggage as it only takes a few minutes and it is on the way to baggage claim anyhow. That way you don’t have to lug all your junk all over the place. Plus, you may have people waiting in the terminal for you and they are going to want to move out quickly to start you inprocessing or vacation – whichever applies. Take all instructions from the trooper or representative at the USO. And don’t give them lip as you might have that duty someday too if you do a full tour here. Have the USO put a time and date on your leave form immediately. That is the minute that your Cost of Living Allowance (COLA) starts and the minute your leave stops. Same with other funds like your Temporary Living Allowance (TLA). Best bet is to stay together as a team an not get motivated with things like “you get the rental car Honey, and I’ll meet you outside on the curb with the kids and baggage” which can be done – just not by you unless you are familiar with the roads and locations. You will see her again 2 Tuesdays from now… If you do get the rental car by breaking the family down into fire teams, then you can wait curbside for the car to come. Or there is a cell phone waiting area. But overall, the baggage comes out quickly and effectively and you can move from place to place as a whole team easily.
OK, back to lodging… You may of heard rumors that the Hale Koa Military Resort (the word “resort” is a loosely used term mind you) in Waikiki is cheaper and better than most. Well it isn’t… Especially on your own dime and time here on Oahu doing a vacation. Take what you can get if you are on PCS Orders, but for a social visit or vacation – avoid the Hale Koa if you are on Oahu on vacation. You pay based on rank and even that isn’t the best discount even for the lowest ranking. And if you are middle to higher rank officer or enlisted troop; you are going to get systematically gutted financially. This may be one time when rank truly doesn’t have an advantage. Just know that most (if not all) hotels on island offer the US Government Rate (or an even cheaper rate – ask!) so you can go right next door to the Hale Koa to the Hilton Hawaiian Village and get the same rate or better and ten times the class, ambiance, and beauty. Here is a great comparison between the two hotels. The Hilton Hawaiian Village has a huge Koi Pond and has Penguins outside in an Arctic setting (yes – Arctic outside in Hawaii)… The Hale Koa has pigeons that don’t look real healthy and an old tree right in the middle of the open area adjacent check-in that smells bad. For some folks, the Hale Koa is perfect & my parents are a great example. They love it. And I don’t question it, as that hotel has been part of their island experience for decades. So if this is you – then go for it! But you can do better so I want to mention that to the average reader.
You need to recognize that the US Government rate isn’t always the cheapest either as not only hotel try to rape you, but also rental car companies try to gouge our beloved Uncle Sam whenever they can. One way to gouge is via insurance they package into the Government rate as it applies to rental cars. If you wreck, they still make you use your insurance company anyhow. It is a rental car scam. Always ask to see several rates and make sure that the insurance they are selling is to be used as a primary vs. secondary if something happens. So see if Sam’s Club or State Farm Insurance or whatever offers a better rate. Most things are honored but are seldom asked. Compete rental car companies against each other. Walk next door to Dollar if Hertz isn’t willing to work with you. A car is a car is a car…
Back to the Hale Koa as it relates to food. Their food isn’t all that good either when compared with other establishments all within walking range to the Hale Koa. A notable exception may be Thanksgiving Day Lunch/Dinner (that you will wait for 3 hours in line to eat) that isn’t too bad but still really on par with the Chow Hall minus the decorations and ambiance. Anyone that has Thanksgiving at the Chow Hall knows how good it is (it is truly good) – so that may not be a fair comparison, but at least works as a good measuring stick for the palate. Even on Thanksgiving, you can do better elsewhere if you make a reservation ahead of time. But if you are an old-timer and this is part of your itinerary, then don’t let my opinions get in between you and what you love. Different strokes for different folks!
Like I keep preaching, if you can – try to get out of Waikiki altogether. It is the armpit of Oahu. Not the heart. The further from Waikiki you go – the better the food, people, and your experience will get. It is an amazing phenomenon that defies logic. I’m sure you find the same thing where you are from. Waikiki is a rather phony, plastic, cheesy version of Hawaii that you will find primarily caters to the Japanese, Chinese, and Korean Tourists. You won’t see many military folks shopping at Tiffany Jewelers, The Ferrari Store, or Louis Vitton these days and you will almost never find a resident of Oahu shopping there either. We simply can’t afford it! Neither can you I suspect if you are reading this blog.
The same really goes for the Ala Moana Mall close to Waikiki across from Ala Moana Park. It is occupied by platoons, companies, battalions, and brigades of local homeless residents (who camp nearby) and is a strange paradigm of Japanese, Korean, and Chinese tourists dripping in money walking amongst them like the homeless are just ghosts in the crowd. Picture a man in a Rolex watch covered in a silk suit next to a man with no watch covered in dried urine and dirt. Lovely! Take your business elsewhere to a locally owned / non-chain type establishment. And do so for durable goods as well as non-durable goods such as food. The food court in Ala Moana Mall is interesting to see but the best food is the local Hawaiian Plate Lunch place that has been there since I was a kid on Oahu. You can do much better at Ono Hawaiian Foods though big time in town near the zoo. So if you must eat at the mall – be kind to the homeless if you encounter them (and you will – in the latrines mostly where they bathe), and look – but don’t spend any money if you can avoid it. You may want to drop a buck or two in the hands of a homeless person / not much separates them from you or I if you really think about it. Karma works both ways…
Some shopping experiences / examples in the Ala Moana Mall could be shown in something as simple as Aloha Shirts. Use some big name brands for purpose of demonstration like Tommy Bahama, Kahala, Tori Richard, Rainbow, or Go Barefoot. You can get all these from the Pearl Harbor Exchange for just over half the price of the ones offered in the mall. And sizes are available on post in our sizes (XL and XXL) guys whereas the mall caters to smaller people and has a bunch of S and M’s as a result and limited XL and almost no XXL’s at all. Even the Apple Store is a good example for a consumer comparison. The prices of their items are fixed prices in the US marketplace as you may know. But at the Ala Moana Mall, you will pay sales tax whereas on post, you will not. Same service & the same item for less money – go figure! Get your iPod or iPad on post.
Lets go back to lodging and say you really want to stay in a hotel versus renting a house or alternate lodging arrangements of some kind. I would honestly try to stay on the North Shore of Oahu at the Turtle Bay Resort for example if you can’t find a home to rent for your tenure or just want to live in a hotel for the sake of room service and the hotel lifestyle. The North Shore is called “Country” and is really the last vestige of what was right about Oahu years ago. The North Shore (Haleiwa) and some places on the East Side of island hold the dignity of Oahu in safekeeping. This is especially true if you are a young couple and are looking for solitude or romance in a quiet setting. And if you are a family with kids – even better – as you will get the chance to spend quality time together in a clean and beautiful environment that is safe.
If you are taking an off-island trip (I highly recommend it) then prepare yourself financially. It is costly. It is also beautiful with each island offering a different palate of treasure. There was a time that it wasn’t such an expense / a short period of time when we had the Super Ferry on Oahu most recently. You could just drive your car aboard or even walk on and go to the neighbor islands. It was great for the locals with family on other islands and great for small business commerce across the island chain. But it wasn’t so great for the Airlines, Rental Car Companies, and for the tourist machine that didn’t feel they were able to rape tourists like they could in the “Pre” Super Ferry days. So they made it look like the ferry was frightening whales and became very vocal on TV by preaching how Oahu needs to remain “green” or whatever and the ferry was eventually booted off the islands. You know they types – the folks who throw cigarette butts out of their SUV’s while still lit and drink 7 plastic bottle waters per day. Even though Pearl Harbor has the Pacific Fleet and many of the watercraft use sonar, which can truly harm sea-life, they went after the one thing that united families in the island chain. It is no more - sad but true.
You will discover some weird things like that here in Hawaii. Folks that want to fight a rail system but still complain about 4 hours of traffic per day. Our political landscape is very weak here on Oahu and you can always tell a great deal about a state simply by looking at their roads. We have the worst in the nation and we don’t even have freezing temperatures! I’ve been here on and off 40 years and they have been working on the main road on the West Side about since before I can remember. It isn’t done as of today and won’t be done ever. There is no incentive to finish the job. It is the everlasting gobstopper of public works projects. Again, I digress… Back to your trip to Oahu! Aloha!!!
Surfing, surfing, and more surfing – why people don’t surf I’ll never know. If you are reading this, you are more than likely a surfer. Or a very upset Hale Koa Manager… Grab a chair, open a beer, and read on. The North Shore is a surfing Mecca in the winter and South Shore is a surfing Mecca in the summer. West Shore is a little of each and East Shore is hit & miss as far as surf goes. So to simplify, if you come in the winter, then go to the North Shore. If you come in the summer, then go to the South Shore. Notice how I omitted the West and East. Both have good reason for being omitted. If you aren’t familiar with surfing on Oahu, best bet is to avoid the West Side altogether. If you are familiar, then you know why I am warning the uninformed the way I am doing. If you are a tourist, no need really to drive out West any further than Ko Olina Resort. The road doesn’t go all the way around the island and the traffic on that side (West) is horrid. There is great surf but it is very tribal and unless you are an experienced surfer, no need. There is one notable exception in the form of Army Rest Camp, which is located smack dab in the heart of the West Side and is actually a military installation with cabins you can rent but you need to of done so really far out on the calendar. It is crazy. There are more rules to renting the cabins than anyone can keep up with so recommend you call and navigate the regulations on your own if interested. Surfing there (at Rest Camp) is truly frustrating though with the flood of stand up surfers who have all but taken over. That an every form of personal watercraft you can imagine from canoes, kayaks, outriggers, to whatever. You can access the place as a civilian even though it is a military compound by walking on. You just can’t drive on without an Military ID Card. The front gate is 50 feet from the beach. You’ll likely not be shown any “Aloha” at Rest Camp so just avoid it unless you are staying in their cabins (rustic in nature - meaning not plush). You really could do better with your money lodging wise if you wanted to. Lastly on the West and East of Oahu - there really is no shopping there and not really too much to do as a tourist if you are looking to see things. It is beautiful, without a doubt – but the cost to benefit ratio isn’t in your favor.
Sunday Brunch at the Marine Base Officers Club is a must if you are here over a weekend. It can’t be beat. Great food, a great price, surrounded by heroes and it will give you a great chance to see that side of the island too on a day the traffic isn’t bad.
Surfing rights and wrongs! If you don’t know the rules of the road (back to surfing here) then your best bet is to take a lesson and stay in Waikiki for your surfing experience. There are too many reasons to explain this to you on this blog. It is safer for you and safer for us already in the water. You are not going to pick up surfing after three times in the water – don’t fool yourself. You may stand up, but you won’t be good enough to surf big waves or navigate around people in the water competing for the same waves. Another tip - surfing is an individual venture so leave your platoon on the beach too. No one likes it when a guy paddles out with a dozen of his buddies who can’t surf either. Lessons are good! You will learn etiquette, which is important. If you dare – you can read some brief rules on this website about rules.
Polynesian Cultural Center. Don’t do it. No alcohol at the luau and is really owned by the Mormon Church and not local indigenous folks. Just avoid it. There are better ways to experience culture on island and if you want a better luau, try Germaine’s or something else run by local folks. This may be a good chance to experience the Hale Koa. I’ve never personally been to their luau, but I heard it is good.
Eating on the North Shore – there are plenty of places. Grass Skirt Grille is about the best. Fresh fish plate lunch for about 10 bucks. Can’t be beat. It is full of cops and lifeguards so that ought to tell you something. Cholo’s is a great place to grab lunch at least once and a great place to people watch. Good Margaritas! You are taking a chance by eating at any of the Shrimp Trucks or other Trucks that service Thai or whatever. Some are good, some aren’t. It isn’t worth spending part of you vacation sitting on a porcelain throne so just I’d just bypass them altogether. Haleiwa Joe’s is another great place to eat on the North Shore (Haleiwa). Go at night and get the Coconut Shrimp! Fantastic. Ask for a seat outside and watch the sun go down over Haleiwa Harbor. Or do the same from Jameson’s just down the road. The beer and food is better at Joe’s in my opinion. Watch where you park your car if you go to Jameson’s as there a plenty of thieves that live in the large wooded area adjacent to the restaurant.
You may hear from folks that no trip to Oahu is complete without a trip to the Flea Market either at the Stadium on select weekends or in Aiea. That may be true if you are in the market for stolen property. Avoid it. Don’t believe the hype. You didn’t come all this way to buy crap like that anyhow did you? Really, there isn’t much on Oahu worth taking home outside some Aloha Shirts and items you should have consumed/eaten during your stay. You can buy the same T-Shirts and clothing from shops in your local mall at home. They are imported from China just like ours are on island. We just charge more for them here on Oahu. I bet more Quicksilver or Billabong products are sold in Utah or Idaho than in Hawaii any day of the week. If you really want trinkets to remember your trip – then shop at Hilo Hattie’s. They have everything imaginable and they make a damn fine (and affordable) Aloha Shirt as well.
Don’t get a tattoo on island if you are here on vacation. Get it when you get back home. You can’t swim or get into the water with it and you’ll be sore as hell when you fly back home. If you see a design you like some kind of Tiki God or something – take the picture home and have Ralph from back home in Cleveland do it for you. If you must get something done ink wise when here – then go to a reputable studio like Cory Hart’s or if you know someone that has ink – ask them. Don’t just pull into an unknown artist’s lair in Waikiki and have it done. And don’t wander into a tattoo studio after a few drinks in Waikiki one evening to get something to remember the trip by. You’ll regret it later. The trip wasn’t likely that great once you sober up anyhow.
OK, you have a big dream of watching a Surf Contest! Just know this - it is much better on live television or on DVD than in real life. When you start to do the cost to benefit math concerning parking, traffic, crowds, capitalistic vendors, and all the other drama involved, you will quickly discard that idea. And if you want to see the best surfers in the world surf, they aren’t going to be guys or gals you see in contests. They are the Plumber from Honolulu, the Fireman from Sunset Beach, the Locksmith from the West Side, or the Bartender from Haleiwa. They do a “Dawn Patrol” or evening “Glass Off” at Big Lefts in Town, or at Sunset Beach in the Country and they are regular guys and gals. The best surfers that I know personally – one is actually a Fireman and the other owns a Printing Agency. Both are over 40 and have families and lives like you and I. So if you want to see really good surfing, then drink some coffee on the beach at Pipeline one morning or watch surfers at Sunset Beach while you and yours watch the sun go down while eating Poke’ and drinking beer. You can’t do that mid-day at a surf contest in comfort! An exception to this is the “Eddie” held at Waimea Bay when the waves get big enough every few years. It is too unpredictable to plan on that so if it happens when you are here one winter – fight to go see it live and in person. It is epic!
On the North Shore, make sure you visit Foodland. It will give you an indication of just how expensive it is to live here so you really want to do this once your wife (or husband) starts talking about moving to the islands. You have to make a boatload of money to live here and even then, you aren’t living anywhere close to the way you would stateside. It is called the “Aloha Tax” and translated means – we pay five to seven bucks for a gallon of milk that came to us as dry dust and is mixed up once it gets here with water from the faucet. We don’t have cows here... Foodland is a great place to build a nice picnic lunch though and while expensive, much cheaper than any restaurant up that way. I highly recommend it. Three Tables is right across the street. I typically get some fresh Poke’ from Foodland and some other stuff like Papaya or Mango pre-cut, a beer or two or six, and then I cruise to Uppers or Chuns or some other beach parking spot and enjoy the most panoramic lunch offered anywhere in the world.
Turtles at the beach are a big tourist draw. And while neat for about 3.5 seconds, may be one of the most boring things to do on island. Don’t expend a bunch or time or energy to see them at a surf spot called Lani’s. They swim up at various beaches and at Lani’s, some folks who protect them put ropes around them daily to keep idiots away from them and off of them. The tourists all stand around them and stare at them like they are some kind of alien spaceship. They are turtles. They are all over out in the water. Go for a swim and you’ll see them swimming around / as common as pigeons. Don’t screw with them though –they aren’t your friends just like no creature in the sea is your friend contrary to what folks believe. Monk Seals are not friendly either – provide them the widest “walk-around” possible. If you get bit by one or turtles who are full of gross bacteria and even have a special form of “herpes” that they have to get cut off now and again by veterinarians that capture and release them as it grows over their eyes and they can’t see – you will get sick! Leave them alone – they are endangered (although I’m not so sure really)… Seems like I see plenty of them all over the place.
Shark Tours. Avoid these at all costs. It is highly disrespectful to the Hawaiian culture and there is a constant fight to close them down. Somehow they got grandfathered into the law and are protected. I’d be willing to bet there is some connection with local politicians. They chum the water and eventually we will have sharks associating people with food and will wind up having more and more attacks. Don’t be part of it. They will play a game with your mind telling you some hoopla about how they are protecting the sharks by educating people but really they are just pulling money from your pocket while endangering all of our families. Please don’t support them.
Hanaumu Bay or what I like to call “the box-jellyfish trap” for a week per month. Lets all get ready to get stung! Big fun!!! First – here is the resource for jellyfish (www.808Jellyfish.com). Use it to figure out when not to get in the water on the South Shore in particular. Pay attention to lifeguards but pay attention to the report on that website too. Hanaumu Bay is full of tourists (hundreds) all using the bathroom in the water at the same time. It is a little gross when you think about it. When I was a kid, we used to be able to bring bags of frozen peas or corn out there to feed the fish, which was stupid in retrospect. Now there are legions of fish that depend on handouts in that bay. And of course – you can see how someone figured out a marketing angle on the bags of frozen foods we used to bring. Now it is outlawed and you have to purchase food for the fish there. Someone cashed in on that concept. Still makes the fish dependent on a handout though.
Hiking Diamond Head Crater sounds fun and it may be worth doing once in a lifetime. I would put it at the bottom of your list of things to do though. The view is better in other hiking spots of the tourist grid and when you get to the top of Diamond Head, you fight for standing space. It is a long, dusty walk, up a trail that looks like the Mojave Desert. You’d be better off driving onto Schofield Barracks and hiking up around Kole Kole Pass, which is a beautiful hike and simple to find, simple to do. The other options for hiking are endless on Oahu and the other islands too.
OK, changing gears to driving on Oahu. Our traffic is terrible anywhere from 6AM to 10AM. And again from 3PM to 7PM just the same which limits your ability to move around the island freely by car doesn’t it? Military folks come with at least one car that Uncle Sam pays to send over. It can be a hunk of junk and that great Uncle of ours pays to ship it over! Then they leave it when they PCS off island. It gets driven forever till it becomes an eventual home for a homeless family parked at a beach somewhere on island with a great view. I once heard that each day on Oahu, three cars arrive and only one leaves. You’ll believe it once you see our traffic.
Our Public Transportation here in Hawaii is pretty decent bus wise – but as with most buses in inner-city landscapes, you get to experience the thrill of equal access. This means you may score a really nice “seat-mate” on part of your journey and a crack-head on another part with meth scabs all over their arms. Public Transportation is a perfect transition to discuss our drug problem on Oahu. We have a serious drug problem here on Oahu. Very serious! Meth is the drug of choice. It wasn’t so bad years ago when Marijuana was the drug of choice but we had this wonderful thing called “Green Harvest” where the Marijuana was eradicated and controlled more closely so because of that, we now have a much more serious problem. Meth! If you want to screw something up – just let people who don’t understand something like “cause and effect” get involved in a social issue. That said; there are places to avoid. And predictably, most of them are close to bases. Things that make you go “Hmmmm” comes to mind doesn’t it. Wahiawa after dark is a great example, which is the town just outside Schofield Barracks. During the daytime, a perfectly safe place for everyone with soldiers eating and moving around freely. At night, it takes a serious metamorphic transformation with the main street filled with drug dealers and transsexuals (called “Mahu” here in the islands) openly doing business with almost zero law enforcement. There are cops, but they just can’t keep up. If they yank a bad guy – they are out of the game for a few hours processing their client and the other ones on the street just fill that void. And it is a shame too as Wahiawa (up the hill on California Avenue) exist some of the most beautiful homes on island as far as simplistic goes. It is truly country living and truly something magical. So the bottom line for a visitor to Oahu is to avoid places that are sketchy looking. And you can pretty much draw a three-mile circle around each base that isn’t a healthy place to hang out after hours. It isn’t healthy in the same way it isn’t healthy where you come from more than likely if you live around a base. We have the same problems here but cramped closer together as a populace. And we have better weather year round. Aloha!
OK, now lets transition into your departure. When you are departing Oahu you are going to have to send your bags (carry on and checked items) thru the Agricultural Check Station. It is like TSA except you could have a giant brown tree snake, fruit fly infested pineapples, a bird cage with a full sized live California Condor in it, or even a dead human body folded up in your sea bag and the people that work there wouldn’t see it or care if they did. I travel at least once a month and have made hundreds (I mean that – hundreds) of trips through the Honolulu Airport and I have not once seen those folks that work for the Department of Agriculture do anything yet. The only thing they do is put a sticker on your bag saying it passed inspection. They seldom even look at the screen when your bags are going thru the scanner. Instead, they talk story with each other, eat, sleep, or stare into bright lights that pass by. Most of the time, I wonder if they are really just mannequins as most of them don’t ever move or look alive. You put your bags on the belt, and you take them off. Somehow, a small sticker gets stuck on the handle of your luggage. It is a farce – but deal with it because if you go straight to the airlines to check in without the Agricultural Check Sticker on your bag you’ll have to get out of line and start all over again. I leave the stickers on my bags so I can skip this part of the airport circus when I travel and I’m tight on time getting to a gate.
There is one place that is palatable in the airport if you must eat there (a small deviation from my “arriving” statement you may note). It is the chicken place right at the exit to the TSA stalls that you will likely be putting your belt and shoes on in front of. Pretty darn good food and plenty of food if you do the big plate they offer. And here is a tip on the Starbucks. Don’t hit the first one as you get into the terminal. It will have a super long line and you might miss your flight. Some of the gates are a pretty long walk and you might not of padded your timeline to support a 15-20 minute walk to your gate. Instead, go to your gate and you will find another Starbucks there that will gladly charge you $6 for a liter of water and another $4 for a double skinny latte with whip cream on top (because you are likely a “real” coffee coinsurer)… Here is a tip for you instead. Bring an empty water bottle (or two) with you that is completely dried out that you were likely going to throw into your trashcan at the hotel anyhow. Then fill it up at the water fountain in the terminal. That fancy bottle water you were going to buy (like all bottle water) is simply tap water from Chicago in a pretty bottle with a fancy sounding name. And stop drinking latte. It makes you look like an absolute sissy.
Well, that was a great deal to absorb. And this is only one guy’s opinion so people reading this that know will agree with some but not all of the comments. But if you are totally uniformed, it should be helpful for you to start out your mission. I’ll try to add to this note from time to time but for now, this is a good start.
