Crap Board Urban Legend - Finally the Truth!
OK, time to dispel a rumor, myth, legend, or theory… Years ago I had an idea. That idea was to have a board purposely airbrushed to look old. You know, coffee stain colored, with obvious dings and repairs, leaking water sucked thru the stringers causing swelling and discoloration, delaminating, heat bubbles, duct-tape repairs, etc. Really crappy looking!
I contacted my friend Johnny Moore (Strong Current Surf Shop) and my friend Mike Casey (Casey Surfboards) and my friend Ralph who does the best airbrushing around on surfboards in his business – Airwork’s Hawaii. Couldn’t ask for three better guys to be in on such a project. They made me a great board I used for years. I wound up donating it to a Soldier who was wounded in Iraq by a sniper and was a guest of HMSO to learn to surf to heal physically and emotionally. He liked the board, learned to ride on it and I gave it to him as a result.
The initial premise behind this “Crap Board” turned out to be multifaceted. First, it enabled me to bring home a new board that looked like my old board without having my gal ribbing me about my board buying habit. It was camouflaged in essence!
The second order effect of having a Crap Board made showed face in the water once I paddled out with it. In the line-up, people gave way to someone on a junk board that by appearance had nothing to lose. I exploited this advantage by wearing cut-off Levi’s with a rope for a belt and raggedy T-Shirts for a rash guard. Combine a bitchin’ untidy long beard and ragged hair and soon enough I found myself operating in the water with a virtual “Naval Blockade” that wary surfers stayed out of. I could take off deep, and have people flee the face for fear of catching a social disease from me should we collide. I could drop-in on guys who had a serious investment in their stick that wanted to avoid getting dinged by a guy fresh from the city dump with his stick.
Another unintentional third order effect of having a Crap Board was grabbing a bite to eat on the way to or from a surf session. You can leave this board atop a rack and thieves just keep on going as even they want new, clean, pretty stuff to steal.
A fourth order effect was that I could leave the board in my outside quiver without a sock over it and thieves just kept going. One – the board looked like crap. And if a thief were savvy enough to see it was a good board with an ugly exoskeleton, where would he fence it off to anyhow? Too distinctive is what it proved to be – a good way to get caught selling stolen property.
Finally, another advantage (I’ll call the “fifth order” I guess…) was that people just flat out felt sorry for me. This worked great in the rare line-up where wasn’t known. I tend to surf about 1 out of every 5 sessions someplace infrequent or random. In these places, I could play on folks who wanted to help some homeless fellow grab a wave! J Perfect!
Fast forward to summer 2011 / I still think of that Crap Board now and again and wonder how many smiles it has brought to people both unknowing and knowing once they get read-in on the board. I know it made me happy & can find pictures of it sprinkled in the gallery if you want to see the original Crap Board. That said – I had the same cast of characters from a decade ago recreate the Crap Board for me. Not one – but two this time. One is a traditional nose-rider and the other as a big wave gun. Construction started in July of 2011 and should be done by winter. Pictures will be posted in the process of build and of course as a final product. So, keep your eyes peeled on the website to see the birth of the blank, to the shape, to the airbrush, to the glass-job. Then if all goes well – will get someone to shoot some pictures of the board being used. Cradle to Grave pictorial storyline. Good stuff.
Enjoy the Ride / Chaz
